if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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