mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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