I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
