It's Friday. Sex?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
