can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
