none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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