If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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