Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
