So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
