So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
