i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
