I cockslap morals
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
