guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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