Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
