with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
