My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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