TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
When are your genitals available?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
