i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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