If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
