Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
