Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
