sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
