Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
