The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
