Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
