Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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