we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
