I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize