we were pretty classy up until the second keg
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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