What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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