wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
