I'm gonna have a badass scar
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
