can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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