even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
