just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
