So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
