I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
