At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
