Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
