i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
