Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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