I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
