am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize