I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
