i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
