I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
