Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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