God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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