You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize