Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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