hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
