Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
