My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
