i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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