I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
