discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
