I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
