I just gift wrapped bread.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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