Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
