i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize