My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
