i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
This toilet bowl is my home.
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