I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
40s are totally the cure
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
