Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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