Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
