i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
