I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
