You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
