I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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